Now

December 17th, 2007

Meditation is not easy. The inner dialogue rarely stops. On rare occasions there is just awareness for a moment or two. The interlocutor is always there in the background observing, asking, making mental notes. I can understand why the Vipassana meditation retreats insist that retreatants should bring no books or writing materials. Reasoning, questioning, speculating, reflecting has no place here.

While all this is very frustrating during meditation, outside that time I am not downhearted. I do not feel detached from God. The meaning of transcendence is that He is beyond all our perceptions and experience. If He were attainable by means of physical and mental procedures He would not be transcendent. I think of meditation as trying to be in the existential now. God does not exist in what Popper calls Worlds 2 and 3. He is not part of the psychological world of our consciousness, a concept, an image, a dream or a fantasy. Nor is he a human construct, a statue, a ritual, a piece of bread, a story, or a myth. God is none of these. In the existential now one leaves aside the elaborate structures of human devising and imagination and stands poised in the mystery of being, the ebb and flow of the breath reflecting the systole and dystole of life itself. There are no words here, only silence; no light, only darkness. The existential now is the negation of self. Self is alone, naked and defenceless. It has nothing to cling to, nowhere to shelter, no one to turn to. It deflates, shrinking to nothing. This is why the self finds it so hard to bear, why the interlocutor keeps intruding with comments and observations. Anything to break the silence and lighten the darkness. Anything to keep it from extinction. But the self has to die, disappear into this dark now.

Christ as matador

December 15th, 2007

There was a programme on the other night of Michael Palin following in the footsteps of Ernest Hemingway. There was quite a bit of discussion about bullfighting and some of the ritual in the arena was shown, though not the actual kill. It struck me how little those who protest at the cruelty to the bull understand what is going on. Bullfighting is all about the triumph of the slender fragility of humanity over the wild and chaotic forces of nature. The matador represents us all. Beautiful in his suit of lights, elegant and graceful as a dancer, he faces the savage energy and brute ferocity of the bull. Alone on the open expanse of the arena, armed only with his intelligence and the dexterity of his movements, he channels the destructive charges of the bull, diverting them round himself. He choreographs a dance of life in the face of death. Again and again, black death fixes him in its sight and bears down on him only to be delicately diverted. Sometimes, so close is the encounter, death brushes him with its flank as it charges by staining him with its blood. Eventually death stands exhausted, head lowered, glowering. The matador provokes one last charge, leans over the horns of death and kills the bull.

This is not cruelty or wanton destruction. This ritual addresses the fears and hopes of us all and affirms that humanity can transcend the terrifying forces of nature. All identify with the matador, although few are brave or dextrous enough to be him. He wears our bright hopes as he walks out onto the arena of life and death. His fears are our fears, his wounds our wounds, his triumph ours too. No one likes to face up to the brute facts of existence. We feel too inadequate, too powerless. This is why we need heroes who will act on our behalf. This is what Jesus did. He walked out alone to face the greed, the vested interests and the inhumanity of the powers of his time. He opposed them and they killed him. That was the worst they could do to him, that was the extent of their destructive power. It was not enough. The forces of life are greater than the forces of death and by rising again Jesus deflated the power of death. He emptied it, voiding it of its fearfulness. He widened our perspective so that we could see beyond the circumscribed arena of our daily striving. He showed us that death is not terrifying, all-engulfing darkness but a door.

The contemplative stands before that door every day. He, or she, steps alone into silence, leaving aside the practicalities of living for a time, to stand before the darkness. Mute. Alone, entraining a skein of the relationships that make him who he is, he arrows into the darkness. Like a matador he carries the hopes and fears, the yearnings, voiced and unvoiced, of all and holds them up in the empty darkness at the boundary of existence. That is all he can do. That is all anyone can do. 

On prayer

December 14th, 2007

Hick on prayer (p. 18f) asserts that ‘we are all linked at deep unconscious levels in a universal network in which our thoughts, and even our emotions, are all the time affecting others as others are in turn affecting us.’ This is simply an assertion, an article of faith, and he admits that there is no evidence to support it. He gives the impression that the good wrought by prayer is simply the result of this human solidarity, unconscious and unfelt. No mention is made of God. Perhaps this last is an oversight and he does not intend to exclude divine influence.

Prayer is very mysterious and I think it does work in something like the way Hick describes. Although there is no empirical evidence for it, there does appear to be a network linking, not only we sentient humans, but also everything in the cosmos. Rupert Sheldrake, with his morphic fields, is quite convincing. There is also a wealth of anecdotal evidence of a bond between people, usually where there is an intimate relationship, such that when something significant or tragic happens to one the other is immediately aware that something has happened to the other even though they may be widely separated. This is the sort of thing to which Hick is referring. But prayer goes much deeper than what may simply be a natural bonding.

There is, first of all, the urge to pray. This is universal and has always been a factor in our religious behaviour. This is so deep rooted that even those who have never previously shown any religious commitment or belief often turn to prayer in life threatening situations. The cynic might say that here is an example of someone making Pascal’s wager. But I do not think so. This is no calculated gesture based on a rational assessment of the odds but a deep-seated emotional response to a limit situation. Prayer springs from the deepest roots of the self, from that zone in the affective system which straddles the conscious and the unconscious mind. Here situations, events and actions initiate emotions, feelings and moods, which are evaluated as meaningful and significant. Here we touch the foundations of our being. None of this is in the rational mind. It is not something we can conceptualise or argue with. It is a given, with the numinous quality of an ancient memory.

Here we sense not just the interlinking network which binds us all, although that is sensed. Here, obscurely and tentatively, we sense the Presence within. This is what prayer does. It brings this Presence to the surface of our minds. It opens the channels which link us and which have been narrowed and constricted by egotism and self-interest. God is active, not as a puppet master manipulating the strings of cause and effect. God acts in and through us. This I believe to be true, though I am not aware of it in any concrete sense, nor is there any empirical evidence of it. I will never forget one day when I was in the Little Brothers. Dominic Voillaume had come to make his annual retreat and had spent a week in a hermitage on San Capracio, the mountain above the village. I walked into the room where he was bent over a table reading the paper. He turned to greet me and his face was – transfigured, is the only word for it. There was joy, peace, beauty – impossible to describe. It was almost embarrassing to look him in the eye his face was so naked. The story of Moses coming down from Mount Sinai and having to hide his face behind a veil came to mind. Dominic had just come down from the mountain and his face reflected what he had experienced.

I think when people talk about prayer they concentrate too much on the knowing and rational activity and not enough on the emotive and feeling side. It is relatively easy to come quite quickly to the existential limit of the senses and to sit simply aware that one is sitting. If there are thoughts and images they run in the background like an unattended television screen. Emotionally one feels calm and at peace. There may have been emotional turbulence but that, like the thoughts, has been put to one side. One still has not reached the limits of being; knowing – yes, perhaps, being – no. One is still ensconced in the affective self. We are like the child who, when the events of the day become too much, sucks his thumb and hugs his comforter. These, insignificant in themselves, are the psychological substitute for the warmth and security of his mother’s breast. As long as we can snuggle into the comfort of withdrawing into ourselves we have not reached the limits of being. We have reached, perhaps, the foot of the mountain and before us is a long, hard climb into the obscurity and darkness of the clouds at the top. 

Religious awareness

December 13th, 2007

Reading John Hick – Religious awareness –

Hick’s thesis is that awareness of the transcendent is not easily apparent but has to be cultivated. This stems from the fact that we are free to make choices. I agree that personal freedom is a factor but it is not the whole story. Being human means that we are not determined from birth by instincts and environment in the way that a mouse or a lobster is. Our genetic endowment and social environment, though vitally important, are not wholly determinative, not even, once a certain level of development has been achieved, in extreme situations such as famine or war, cf. the countless stories of altruism, self-sacrifice, heroism and the ability of many individuals to transcend a destructive environment. Self-consciousness gives us the ability to step back from the physical, moral and social inputs and cancel instinctive reactions. This allows us to be creative in our responses, to be proactive, taking into consideration other factors than those immediately apparent.

Some, relatively few, are born with a profound sense of religious awareness, cf. Bernadette Roberts and examples in the findings of The Religious Experience Research Unit at Lampeter. Some seem to have little or none. For the majority it is something that needs to be cultivated. Sooner or later we all encounter limit situations where existential questions are thrust on us.

The meaning one attaches to life, to being human, has to take into account our present situation. The meaning/purpose of life is not clear because we do not possess the whole picture. Hick is not rigorous enough (p. 50). True, our dispositional structure affects the way we live, but equally, the way we live, the worldview in which we are immersed, affects our dispositional structure. It may be almost impossible for an individual in an antipathetic social milieu to ‘experience as’ in a religious sense even though all the clues may be there. Marx’s insight that the social being of man determines his consciousness is apposite here. That said, finding oneself in a limit situation which brings into question the belief structures and hidden assumptions, hitherto unexamined, and shows them up as relative can be the stimulus which brings about a new way of seeing/experiencing.

The question of meaning cannot be answered in spatio-temporal terms. This is why the question is often seen to be meaningless, or unanswerable. Any possible answer must be relative and conditional. ‘What is the meaning of life?’ without any qualifying words such as ‘now’, or ‘for me’ demands a definitive answer. Since the human situation is always provisional and in process such an answer cannot be given. One has to get beyond the conditional and the relative to the essence of humanity. And this is the problem – what is the essence of humanity? Some would say we are simply intelligent animals. If this is all we are the question of meaning can be answered in material terms. Others, perhaps the majority, would say that there is something in us which transcends our psychosomatic limitations. What is this ‘something’ and in what way does it transcend the spatio-temporal dimensions of experience? It could be said that this transcendence consists in the fact that as self-conscious and self-determining beings we have the power to transcend many of the physical and social constraints of our environment. This is why we have been able to progress from a primitive existence to our form of life today, able, at least in prospect, to manipulate the genes that determine our bodily existence – a fact that fills many with horror because we are tinkering with our humanity, a humanity we do not fully understand. 

Others would say that the transcendent element in us is the fact that our being opens out into the being of God. What does that mean? We are not self-sufficient. Physically we need food, clothing and shelter to survive. Socially we need others in order to become persons and, having become persons, to achieve a certain level of happiness and fulfilment in loving and being loved. Intellectually we need others to learn language, not only to communicate with them, but also to think, process ideas, arrive at conclusions and make decisions planning for the future. When all our physical, social, emotional and intellectual needs are met we still find that life is not satisfactory. Something in us remains unsatisfied. On the one hand the three brute facts of existence, powerlessness, contingency and scarcity gnaw at the mind’s complacency. On the other hand there comes from time to time the feeling that the walls of our existence are translucent and behind them we catch glimpses of a Presence.

[John Hick; The Fifth Dimension, One world, Oxford, 1999]

Is this it?

December 12th, 2007

The more I think about it the more I realise that if the phenomenal self is anchored at all it is anchored in the body. There are many selves, all relative. There is a whole succession of Walter Mitty-like fantasy selves who surface to fill the empty moments in the mind. There is also a series of relational selves that are constantly appearing, changing, developing and disappearing. I-the-son no longer exists except in memory. I-the-father has changed considerably over the years as the children have grown, become independent and left home. Not even the I-the-inhabitant-of-this-body is fixed. Although there appears to be a continuity of memories from early childhood, this self has changed many times and is changing still. But in the silence and solitude of meditation, in this now, when all the other selves have dropped away this inhabitant is all that remains.

When the eyes are open this self is substantial, expanding to relate to the trees, the fields, clouds and sky. When the eyes are closed and the attention has habituated to sounds and physical sensations there remains only awareness of breathing. Sometimes, when the will is strong, energy is concentrated on the mantra as though to pierce this solitary darkness and transcend the limitations of the body. At other times when there is no will and the stream of fantasies and inner dialogues has dried up, there remains only breathing. Then the thought surfaces, ‘Is this it? Is this all there is? The vast expanses of the star-filled sky, the wide horizon on a summer’s day, the fields, the mountains, the crowds of people, friends and family, all no longer exist in this dark now. Only breathing in and breathing out and this thought.’ It is then that I feel that I have reached the very limit of human existence. If the breathing were to stop the thought would stop and there would be nothing.

I can understand Descartes. Because there is this thought, however fragile and tentative it may be, there is something. And because this something is not self-sufficient, because it did not invent itself, there must be an Other on whom it depends. I am not aware of this Other. All the others that I do know and the world that I live in are as relative and as unself-sufficient as I am so they cannot be the cause of this something. So the Other, who or whatever it is, must transcend our existence. This is not brilliant logic and this sort of rational analysis in no way satisfies, nor does it compensate for the existential angst. 

Nevertheless, the fact that I am probing the limits of my existence, in effect existence itself, the fact that I am aware of these limits as limits, means that I am aware – however obscurely – of a beyond this existence. In some small way I have already transcended this existence. I am not arguing philosophically now, relying on Karl Jaspers’ concept of ‘limit situations’. I am arguing from experience, although it is good to be able to support subjective testimony by rational analysis. The urge to transcend this existence is deep and persistent. It is supported by memories of times when the darkness became translucent and there were glimpses – sometimes of an all enveloping nothingness (if that makes any sense), sometimes of a Presence.

Insight

December 11th, 2007

I know that the answers that I am seeking are not to be found in books, or in ratiocination, but in experience. That, like thought processes, is not available on demand. Meditation – from which I once had such great hopes, continues as a struggle against wayward thoughts and distractions. I do not seem to be getting anywhere. So I continue to read and make notes in a haphazard fashion.

I am reading Teilhard de Chardin seriously for the first time. His mystical experience informed his thinking and I think this is the way it should be. Experience is our contact with reality. It passes through the filter of the discursive mind where it is interpreted – not always correctly. I was interested to come across this by Bernadette Roberts this morning.

I learned that a single insight is not sufficient to bring about any real change. In time every insight has a way of filtering down to our usual frame of reference, and once we make it fit, it gets lost in the milieu of the mind – the mind which has a tendency to pollute every insight. The secret of allowing an insight to become a permanent way of knowing and seeing is not to touch it, cling to it, dogmatise it, or even think about it. Insights come and go but to have them stay we have to flow with them, otherwise no change is possible.*

Perhaps it is a good idea to call these experiences insights. We tend to consider the tangible encounters with empirical reality and with other people as real experiences. Insights, intuitions and altered states of perception are not in the same class. They are put down as vague feelings, or all in the mind, and not really considered to be in the same class as empirical experiences. Sometimes these insights and intuitions of being can be overwhelming, but other times – more usually, perhaps – they are very, very gentle, quiet intimations which are easily overlooked, or drowned by the cacophony of the material world.  

*[Roberts, Bernadette; The Experience of No-Self, SUNY Press, Albany 1993 p. 30]

Answers

December 10th, 2007

No amount of reading is going to provide the answers. I have the strongest feeling now when I read theology that it is all so much speculation. In contrast much of the Bible, and the mystics, speak from experience but they can only speak in metaphors, using symbols and allusions, and it is just not possible to grasp the metaphrand. I know too that such experience is not something extraordinary, not something miraculous, or unusual. It is not necessary to go off into the desert, or find a cave in some remote mountain. It is in this ordinary, everyday experience, often banal, often inconsequential, tedious and dull, that answers are to be found. We are all like Anthony de Mello’s fish looking for the ocean. Like the fish we are immersed in the stream of life without knowing it. It sustains and supports us. We breathe it through the gills of our being and yet we are oblivious to it.

I am gradually beginning to understand. We mustn’t think in terms of before and after death, of this life and the next life, of natural and supernatural. All these are false dichotomies and as long as we think in those terms we will continue to see and experience in those terms. 

Later…  I kept making an effort to see things differently, especially people. The immediate tendency is to categorise the people we see on the basis of clothes, attitude, first appearances, etc. This is especially the case with the superficial encounters on city streets. Today I tried to look at people without making judgements. It immediately shifted the centre of gravity from my perspective – interesting, not interesting, I-would-like-to-get-to-know-him/her, sad, pitiful, etc. – out into what Watsuji calls the aidagara, the betweenness of person to person.

Later again… There is an idea running around the periphery of my mind which I cannot quite bring into focus. It is that God is only to be found in the ordinary and everyday structures. It is not necessary, in fact it may be positively harmful, to engage in the spiritual gymnastics of vigils and fastings, elaborate liturgies and journeys into the desert. These focus the attention on the effort and on the individual. We must be de-centred so that we can find the true centre, the still point. The great temptation is to be doing, to be active. We are reluctant to enter the silence and be still.

Existence

December 8th, 2007

Reading an article by John Crook* on authenticity in Zen.  He says, 

‘The living circumstances into which human beings are thrown have been described in terms of four main issues; finiteness, potential to act, capacity to choose, and the realisation of human aloneness.’ 

I was immediately struck by the similarity with the three brute facts of existence as described by O’Dea*.  These are contingency, powerlessness and scarcity. O’Dea and the functionalist theory of religion are looking at the problems of human existence in an objective way. Whatever the person’s inner dispositions, these facts are, sooner or later, going to impose themselves. That is why he calls them ‘brute’.  Whatever one’s beliefs in the goodness of God, however much one hopes that ‘all shall be well’, the death of a loved one still hurts. So too does the inability to do much to ease the suffering of the innocent, or the hunger of the starving. We are immersed in a reality that seems cold, impersonal and totally indifferent to our feelings. 

Crook approaches the same situation in a more subjective way. We only have finite, limited understanding of ourselves and the world and such understanding as we do have is contingent upon circumstance, the availability of others, health and well being, none of which can be taken for granted and none of which are permanently available. Here the meaning of ‘contingency’ is different from that of O’Dea, who understands by it something akin to uncertainty due to dependency on factors over which we have no control. For Crook ‘contingency’ asks ‘Why?’ Why are some born with every advantage and others are disadvantaged? Why are we dependent on circumstances? Beneath these questions lurks the fear that the cosmos really is cold, impersonal and indifferent, that there is no personal God and there will be no final judgement when the inequalities will be addressed, the good rewarded and the wicked receive their deserts. 

Yet we have the capacity for action and gradually realise our responsibility for action in the world. No action can be perfect so we are faced by the risk of condemnation and anxiety generated by guilt or shame. We can only act within that context. So we have to choose a path and in such choice we experience autonomy.  Every action, because it affects others, requires a judgement and a decision. Therefore autonomy can never become being a law unto oneself.  It must recognise that we are social beings and that it is these relationships with others that make us what we are. This is why morality lies at the heart of what it means to be a person.

Yet within that very autonomy we experience our finite limitations and may thus be faced by a sense of meaninglessness. Seeking a meaning beyond our finite worlds we may get lost and experience such emptiness as a great fear. Yet, even while we experience our lonliness we discover we are not alone. We are ‘alone with others’, as Steven Bachelor puts it. In this however there remains the threat of the disappearance of the other or withdrawal from us leaving us in total isolation. Such anxiety is terrifying and the terror genuine. The essence of being human is that we are persons. Being a person means being one pole of a relationship, many relationships – some intimate and formative, others more superficial. The cold impersonality of the cosmos is only tolerable because we have humanised our environment. In trying to answer the existential questions which nag at us we need to know whether this human environment is simply a transient epiphemenon or whether there is a personal driving force at the heart of things. 

Even the most intimate and loving of relationships does not reach to the core of our being. There remains always a part that we cannot open to others, cannot share – perhaps partly because it remains mysterious even to ourselves. Similarly, however much we might love and wish to be united with another we can never reach to the core. There remains always an element of mystery, a private dimension not in their gift to reveal. We long to be known, to be loved and possessed utterly, just as we long to know and possess, so that the inner emptiness might be filled. 

*[John Crook; Authenticity and the Practice of Zen, in Pickering J. (ed.); The Authority of Experience, Curzon Press, Richmond, 1997

 O’Dea, Thomas F.; The Sociology of Religion, Prentice-Hall, New Jersey, 1966 p. 5]

Existence

December 7th, 2007

For some people existence is not blind, not meaningless. For some awareness is not that of an isolated individual standing at the brink of an abyss. I can remember as a young boy when I became aware of being. I was walking along the cliffs where I lived when I picked up a pebble. Something about it must have attracted me. Holding it in my hand I became aware of it as something which had being in itself. It was no longer just an object. It was other than me. It is impossible to express in words what I felt. Later I used to love to sit for hours on a ledge on a cliff listening to the sea surge, feeling the cool spray on my face. Sitting, half way between the sea and the sky, I did not feel alone. I was one with the seabirds, with the tiny creatures that lived on the rocks, with the foaming waves. I was aware of the world breathing. The moment someone else appeared on the scene everything changed and I would feel alone, an isolated individual. Later, when I read the following in Ursula King’s book on Teilhard de Chardin I knew exactly what he meant. 

For Teilhard de Chardin the presence of another person seems to interrupt the unity of the world, to pluralise it for the seeker of ultimate unity. ‘But ‘the other man’, my God – by which I do not mean ‘the poor, the halt, the lame and the sick’ but ‘the other’ quite simply as ‘other’, the one who seems to exist independently of me because his universe is closed to mine, and who seems to shatter the unity and the silence of the world for me – would I be sincere if I did not confess that my instinctive reaction is to rebuff him.’

What I am trying to get at is that many people become aware of transcendence, that existence is not determined by a network of transitory relationships set within a finite physical domain. Those hours sitting on the rocks above the sea confirmed two things in my mind. The first was that I was indeed an isolated individual living within my enclosing universe. Others had their universes, perhaps there was even a communal one, from which I was excluded.  The second was that I was surrounded by a thin, sometimes translucent, shell. At times the shell would dissolve and I would be at one with nature for a while. Later I became aware of a Presence pervading everything. I began to understand that everything is connected, unified by the pervading Presence of God. The only isolates are we individuals. We have become isolated because of the circumstances of our upbringing and because of the prevailing worldview we cannot help but share. 

Self

December 6th, 2007

I have been doing very little of this writing. My mind does not seem to be as sharp, or as able to hold a range of ideas and develop them. Whereas before I used to be able to devour books now I find them heavy going. Holding concentration is more and more difficult and I battle with drowsiness. So I may have missed the moment and age is threatening to put a stop to my efforts. It also occurs to me that all this may be part of a gradual process of stripping away the egoistic self. Meditation too has almost become a thing of the past. Gone are the days when forty minutes passed effortlessly. Now I struggle to manage fifteen. Yesterday I was digging round a tree. It was blowing half a gale and the air was filled with the sound of the wind. At one time this would have filled me with a sort of ecstasy. To be immersed in the sound and feel of rushing wind, or the waves of the sea, was to feel at one with Nature, with the Spirit. Yesterday it was just a pleasant noise. It is as though my senses – those that filled me with awe and a sense of presence – have been dulled. No longer do I feel. I came across a passage this morning in Raymond Bailey’s, Thomas Merton on Mysticism – 

God does not intend that he should have a place reserved for him to work in since true poverty of spirit requires that man shall be emptied of god and all his works so that if God wants to act in the soul he himself must be the place in which he acts…[God takes then] responsibility for his own action and is himself the scene of the action, for God is the one who acts within himself. (Meister Eckhart, Sermon, ‘Blessed are the Poor’.)

One has read all this sort of thing before, especially in St. John of the Cross. You can see the logic of it. In another quotation from the same book Aelred Graham says – 

The earnest seeker after truth has usually decided in advance what kind of truth he is looking for… His views are dictated in advance by the needs of the illusory image he has constructed of himself.

And so all the false concepts and illusions have to be stripped away if one is to arrive at the truth. It is tempting to think that there are no false conceptions, that one’s ideas about God (partial and inadequate though they may be) reflect the reality. This is especially the case when one has had mystical experiences. God is love. God is Subject, not an object. 

But the moments of high emotion engendered by such experiences do not last. In time they become a fading memory. Meanwhile life continues to be lived at full thrust, fuelled by various feelings and emotions – love, longing, loneliness, anger, frustration, alienation, suffering and, sometimes, joy. Each of these induces a pragmatic response with physiological as well as psychological affects. All this is entirely natural and easy to understand, but the point is the responses also build up a pragmatic self. It is this self which is the problem. The pragmatic self is self-centred – however much it may think itself other-centred and want to be so, nevertheless when its comfort and well-being are threatened it can think only of its own predicament. The pragmatic self is grasping. It may pride itself on being warm-hearted and generous but its underlying concern is always about its own advantage – if only that IT may go on being loving and generous. The pragmatic self is an isolated individual. It may be surrounded by loved ones and friends and have a rich social life but in the dark hours its sense of being different, of isolation and alienation, rises and haunts its waking dreams. The pragmatic self knows that death will bring about its end and so it fears death. There may be a resurrection and an after life, but it will not rise. It will die, perhaps even before the death of the body should it get Alzheimer’s disease or something similar. 

This was the Buddha’s insight. As long as we are the prisoners of this individual, grasping self we are condemned to suffer. As long as the narrow, egotistical self is the centre about which our life revolves we shall not be able to discover the true centre, the still point, from which everything emerges and to which everything returns.

Egoism consists in this: absolute opposition, an impassable gulf is fixed between one’s own self and other beings.  I am everything to myself and must be everything to others, but others are nothing in themselves and become something only as a means for me.  My life and welfare is an end in itself, the life and welfare of others are only a means for my ends, the necessary environment for my self assertion.  I am the centre and the world only a circumference.  (Soloviev, V., The Justification of the Good, Constable, London 1918)

 That self is the towering, windowless keep within which cowers the fragile worm that is the ego. The keep must be destroyed so that the worm might shrivel and die in the consuming fire of unconditional love. Then the self will die so that the soul may live. It will die anyway at death, but better that it should die before death. Better it should discover the consuming fire so that it can tell others and draw them out from the cold walls of their prisons. 

This is why monasteries are so structured. The common life which forbids the ownership, even of one’s clothes, gnaws at the root of avarice and possessiveness. The prohibition of particular friendships disallows the consolation of an exclusive love. The abdication of individual personal advancement, the poverty, austerity, the lack of sleep, the lack of privacy, the plain food, all deprive the self of the relationships,
the emotions and situations which originally formed it. The pragmatic self is aware of its insubstantiality. This is why it needs to clothe itself with possessions and surround itself with relationships which support it. These must be stripped away. Only then, as Eckhart says, when the ego and all its supporting trappings have been emptied out, can God find a place to work.