I feel quieter, calmer inside. There is a deep sense of peace. No longer is there the need to entertain, or to distract myself. Noise grates and I prefer not to turn on the radio, nor do I feel the need to listen to music. One of the problems with the noises made by other people when I am meditating is that they hook the various ‘me’s’ into thinking about the relationships they represent. It is difficult letting go of these ‘me’s’, letting go of the body, letting go of everything except awareness of breathing. Underlying all these me’s – those of the present moment, those that persist in memory and those woven by fantasy – underneath all these me’s is desire (tanha), wanting this, longing for that, hungry, forever yearning and unsatisfied. Only when tanha is extinguished can I really be me – hence the need for silence and simple austerity.
It struck me this morning how natural and unforced this need for austerity is. It does not deny the goodness of the body, or the appreciation of pleasure – unlike the Christian tradition that, for many, is still in thrall to the gnostic dualism of flesh – evil and spirit – good.